Hanging On For Nothing

As I write this, I'm listening to Brian McKnight's One Last Cry for the thirteenth time. It's one of my favourite R&B ballads, released in the singer's 1992 debut album. It's a good song, really good song. Perfect to nurse a broken heart and shattered dreams.

I just discovered that a beautiful dream or wishful thinking which I've been hanging on to for the past 5 years was actually for nothing. A waste of time, energy and emotion. I could have done better things, like improve my writing. Or hitting the gym more often. Or simply be closer to God.

Anyway, God works in mysterious ways to liberate you from something which could've destroyed you in the long run. And I thank God for that. Who would have figured that it would be two dear friends, or brothers in crime for that matter, that would actually break the news to me. F & M - thanks so much for finally knocking some sense into my head. Now I realise that you are truly are my blood brothers despite us only recently being ace boon coons.

Yes, it was hard to swallow at first. It was a blow straight to the pit of my stomach. But I am rebounding well. I'll be fine. But give me some time, for drowning of sorrows cannot be done overnight. This will be long, that much I'm sure.

I am liberated from this dream permanently now. My mind is freer now. Free to do better things that should make me a better person.

As for the wasted dream, my only regret is for the people of whom this dream has hurt. So many people have made sacrificies for this dream, all of them unconditional I'm sure. But in return, the dream has committed an unspeakable act, probably more than once, that betrayed the love and trust given. For that, I feel so sorry. Not for you, dream. But for the people whom you have hurt and lied. Worse, they don't even know. I pray they will have the strength to endure it if they ever found out because it will be ugly. Even I was adversely affected and the bitter irony of it, I'm not even relevant.

Lesson learnt - next time you see shiny and juicy apples at the supermarket, check again. It may be rotten inside....